Soy Amada
05 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
By Rizka Pramadita
The other day i wrote myself an ode to the virtue of Apple in Eden.
I questioned whether it was mundane, or celestial and divine. So many probable answers came and i got confused,
In the end i resumed that parts of my ode should remain unwritten.
Apple of Eden belongs to the acceptance of each believers.
I thought the effort of writing the Ode would bring me to the fruits of knowledge
In a sense, it did, but most of it was archaic.
Traces of smiling little faces and thoughts became trails of smiling little hooks.
Therefore today i am composing my own letter of Repentance.
Yet out of the blue i stumbled on an odd spectacle.
I fell! I fell!
I fell with tears of joy i fell on your feet.
And my conscience said, “Oh no, not again…”
Prophecies said 100% rejection would occur.
Good God you came with open arms and grace instead.
So i listened.
I listened attentively.
I caught every single word greedily like i had only been doing monologues for decades.
I attempted to interpret them and stitch the result with patches of feelings and little cognition of mine.
The process created bursts of happiness, sparks of light.
Firework in New Year’s eve.
Laugh please, the whole things changed the next day.
We built walls around us, you had the plan, I put the bricks.
It’s all in one bowl: passion, compassion, self-restraint, boundaries, hopes, fears, dreams.
But above and beyond, i have my utmost respect and trust.
Let’s not go astray.
My afflictions flow along the downstream,
With a will of trying to coexist,
Without causing any suspense or disgrace at your end.
Let’s not go astray, let’s not go astray.
I believe i acknowledge the fact: we all are going to be ashes in urns.
I have said too much and done too little.
My soul cast down on the ground in humility, submission, and adoration.
I kneel and prostrate, another ode is started.
Only, this is a dedication of love to the Divine Maker.
I surrender to You only. Love me, gravitate me, save me.
As to you, soy amada, and that is more than enough.
(February 2008)
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